Riley the Worrier
by madelinecoffee
Summary: Riley's been having some trouble with being an over worrier. Lucas helps her figure it out why.


**_Riley the Worrier_**

Riley Matthews had always been a worrier. She worried about what people thought about her, she was constantly concerned about her family and her friends, she stressed over school. She worried about her assignments, if they were good enough to turn in. She fretted about herself, if she was good enough. After years of worrying Riley got used to the feelings that would creep on her when she least expected it. She knew she worried a little more than most people, but she didn't see too much of a problem with it. After all it was under control right?

That was until senior year of high school because there was just so much to be concerned about. Where was she going to school? Where were her friends going to school? Where was _Lucas_ going to school? What about prom and graduation and all the things she still had to do before she graduated? Not to mention the usual worries she had about everyday life, like what Anna in her history class said when she told Riley that her shirt "suited her". Or that project going on in science that she still hadn't finished, granted it wasn't due for another week. But still.

With all these thoughts and qualms floating around Riley's brain, it became harder and harder for Riley to get a full nights of sleep. At first it wasn't a big deal, because everyone misses a few nights on sleep because his or her mind doesn't shut up right? But then it turned into two weeks without more than a few hours of sleep and Riley wasn't sure what to do.

"Hey Riley? Riley, Riley babe" Lucas tried to get his girlfriend's attention but she seemed to be staring at the wall of her bedroom in another world as she often had been these past weeks. They were snuggling and chatting on her bed, until Riley and drifted off into her own thoughts. Lucas shook Riley gently shook her shoulders from his spot as her pillow.

"Huh?" Riley looked back up at Lucas and blushed with embarrassment when she realized what had happened. "I'm sorry Lucas, I just…wandered into Rileytown and it took me a while to get back." In truth Riley's mind had been ramping up all the things she to be worried about. She was thankful Lucas pulled her out of it when he did because her chest had started to get tight with all of it.

"Riley? Is everything okay with you? You just seem off. And you know you can tell me anything and I'll listen."

Riley sighed and looked into Lucas eyes knowing she had to tell him. "L-Lucas I-I." She took a deep breath and Lucas gave her hand a squeeze "I haven't slept for a full night in probably two or three weeks. And its not because I don't want to, I do. So badly. But I can't. Its like my mind won't let me and I don't get it Lucas." Tears of frustration and exhaustion started to rim Riley's eyes as Lucas soothed her.

"Shh Riley. It's okay. What do you mean your mind won't let you?" He stroked her hair as she took another deep breath and continued

"It's like my mind is on overdrive all the time. But especially when I try to sleep. Every worry or thing that's ever happened decides that then is the perfect time to-to come to the front of my mind. And it just makes me worry and my chest hurt and I just can't sleep." Riley wiped at her eyes as she continued. "Lucas I don't know what's wrong with me. I've always been a worrier but now I can't stop and I don't know how to handle this tell me how to handle this." A new set of tears came rolling her cheeks as she shoved her face into Lucas' chest

"Riley babe, shh. It's okay not to know. Okay? Shh." Lucas squeezed Riley tightly and took his own deep breath to gather his thoughts He had some idea what was going on with Riley but didn't know how to broach the subject. He decided just to go for it.

"Riley, have you ever thought you might have an anxiety issue?" When Riley pulled her head out of his chest and gave him a blank expression he rambled on, "I just wondered because a lot of what you're saying sounds like what my little sister, Lily, talks about with her anxiety. She always called it over worry before she got diagnosed. She used to not sleep much either and it was really bad for a while…especially before she talked to Mom and Dad and they got her to start seeing a therapist…" Lucas trialed off as Riley's eyes got bigger at the word therapist and the prospect of another problem.

Riley's mind started to go into over-drive as she processed Lucas' words. All of her normal worries leaped to the front of her mind as well as the concern that she might have a serious problem. But it would make sense right? She wanted to focus on what Lucas had said but suddenly it was all too much.

Fear started to grip her as she struggled to breathe "Lu-Lucas I—I can't I—cant' breathe."

Lucas quickly realized what was happening with Riley and clutched her tightly to his chest. He felt terrible that in trying to help her, he pushed her over the edge. He tried his best to soothe her by stroking her hair rocking her doing everything he could think of to soothe her. But it didn't work. Riley was crying and struggling for breath.

And in that moment her mom walked in to let them know her Cory were home from dropping off Auggie at his friends for the weekend. Topanga who had her own struggles over anxiety and her perfectionist ideals had saw this building for weeks. She had seen how tired and twitchy Riley was but had decided to wait until Riley came to her to bring it up. She realized now that that was a mistake. She swiftly rushed onto the bed and joined Lucas in helping to soothe Riley.

After what seemed like centuries to Riley before she could finally take a full breathe and her tears slowed down. She was exhausted; more exhausted than she ever thought possible. When she pulled her face out on its place in Lucas' chest she noticed her mom had joined in the midst of her breakdown. With big eyes and a weary expression she looked back and forth between her mother and her boyfriend. Topanga was the first to speak.

"Riley, sweetie. What happened?" Topanga's voiced was filled with concern.

"I-I" Riley tried to find the words to tell her mother what had occurred but she couldn't. She looked to Lucas for support; Lucas squeezed her hand and nodded.

"Riley started to tell me about how she hasn't been sleeping because her mind wont let her, and how she's just been extra worried for a while now. And then I brought up how it sounded a lot like what Lily goes through especially before she started going to therapy." Riley nodded along as Lucas explained to her mom and leaned back into his chest seeking comfort. "And then, I think it was all to much for Riley because she started to have a panic attack. But you were there for that part." Lucas looked up at Topanga and then glanced at Riley. Riley's eyes had gotten larger at the phrase 'panic attack' but she was to fatigued to dwell on it for the moment.

"Ah, I think we definitely should talk more." Topanga gave Riley a sympathetic look before petting her hair and kissing her forehead. "But I think Riley could use a nap before all that."

Riley nodded "C-can Lucas stay? I-I don't want to be alone." Riley sheepishly asked. Topanga nodded "Of course sweetie. Just come down when you're ready, and we can talk with your father. I'll fill him while you nap."

Lucas silently helped adjust Riley so they could get under the covers and re-adjust to a laying down position with Riley once again using Lucas' chest as a pillow. Lucas kissed her head and her heard sigh a thank you before she drifted of to sleep.

As Riley slept Topanga filled Cory in what had happened with Riley. They both decided that, with the consent of Riley that she should start seeing someone to figure out what was going on with her. They wanted to make sure that Riley was comfortable with it before they put any plans into motion. Topanga heard movement upstairs and set to make four cups of hot chocolate. She knew how much Riley liked it and figured after all Riley had been dealing with she could use a pick me up. Riley was the first one around the bend, wearing an exhausted expression, Lucas' sweatshirt, and a tight grip on her boyfriend's hand.

"Hi mom, hi dad. Is-is it okay if Lucas stays? I-I'm just not…" Riley trailed off unsure of how to tell her parents she needed Lucas to stay. Partly help her explain what was going on in her head and partly because the thought of his comfort leaving her made her chest hurt all over again. Lucas gave her hand a squeeze as they stood in front of the table.

"Of course he can stay Riley. In fact I made four hot chocolates for us well we talk about how you're feeling and what you're thinking." Topanga gently told Riley as she handed out the mugs. Lucas helped Riley sit down and she laid her head down on his shoulder as she wrapped her free hand around her hot chocolate.

"My first concern is how you're feeling now?" Topanga looked at her with a questioning look.

Riley closed her eyes trying to gather her thoughts "I'm-I'm wiped out, besides that I don't know."

Cory was quick to step in, "It's okay not to know right now sweetie. Okay? But how about before it happened? Like day to day."

"Wworried or anxious? That's the word Lucas used and it made sense. Like I'm always worried and I'm so tired because I don't sleep. And now I'm concerned because its been so long since I've fully slept. And I just…I don't really know" Riley tried to give an honest answer to her dad but she was unsure of how she was really feeling. But she knew she wanted to feel better, she was so tired of always being uneasy she just wanted peace.

Lucas jumped in, "When I asked Riley what was wrong she was telling me about it and it sounded a lot like what Lily struggles with. I mean she struggles less now because her therapy has really helped her…" Lucas tapered off and glanced at Riley to make sure she was okay for the moment. She looked completely wiped out lying on his shoulder drinking her hot chocolate but she didn't seem like she was going to have a breakdown at this moment.

Topanga continued to where Lucas left off "That's something we'd like to talk to you about Riley. We think it might be a good idea to talk to someone and maybe gain some skills to help deal with it all?"

Riley gave a slight nod, "I don't want to feel as crappy as I did in that moment again. I also just want to sleep forever. Honestly mom I'll try anything to help at this point." She gave a deep sigh as she finished her sentence.

Cory and Topanga gave a sigh of relief, "I know of someone you can go see. I'll make the appointment for a few days from now?" Topanga quested with a glance at Cory and Riley.

"That sounds good Mom. Thank you." Riley's voice was quiet, "Um...do you guys think Lucas could stay over tonight? I know he's my boyfriend but we'll keep the door open and, I just can't let him leave" Riley pleaded with her parents as Lucas squeezed her hand.

Riley's parents sensing her distress shared a look before Cory answered, "For tonight, yes pumpkin Lucas can stay over." Riley gave them a small smile of thank you, while Lucas donned a look of shock.

"D-do you think we could go up now? I'm just…"

"Of course Riley. We'll see you and Lucas in the morning for breakfast and let you know when your appointment is." Topanga gave both Riley and Lucas a kiss on their heads before they went up to bed.

They got ready in mostly silence, with Riley almost never letting go of Lucas' hand unless necessary. They crawled into her bed and Riley snuggled into Lucas' chest.

"I love you, Lucas. Thanks for being here."

"I love you, Riley. You know I'll always be here for you."

Riley fell asleep soon after, soothed by Lucas presence and exhausted from the events of the day. Lucas drifted off soon after as he felt Riley relax in his arms.

In the next few weeks Riley started to feel slowly better. After her first therapy appointment she was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. It gave her a sense of relief to have a label and know that she wasn't alone in her feelings. She saw her therapist once a week to discuss on she was doing and various coping skills. She learned what to do when the thoughts got to be to much. She had her appointments on Wednesday and Lucas helped her cover with her friends until she was ready to tell them. When she eventually did they were supportive and helpful as she expected them to be. But her biggest support was her parents and Lucas. They worked with her on coping skills and helped her manage her anxiety She had good days and bad days with it. On particularly bad days they allowed Lucas to spend the night, as long as the door was open. And slowly she started to feel better. She still worried about her family, and her friends, and her grades and what was happening in the world. Some nights she didn't sleep, and some days were bad. But now she knew it was going to be okay. At the end of the day, she had her copping skills and she had her Lucas. All in all things were looking up.


End file.
